Phase Melancholy or I Can't Get No Satisfaction

I'm not really sure what to call this phase, but melancholy or I can't get no satisfaction seems pretty appropriate. I've started to realize that I'm forgetting little details like how he smells or what it's like to have him home or even what his voice sounds like in person. What was it like to have him home? Haven't I always run around like a chicken with it's head cut off? You mean there was a time where I could take a shower without worrying if one of the children would be in trouble by the time I got out?  Hasn't it always been an ordeal to leave the house?
I think what makes it worse right now is we're at that special part of patrol where I don't hear from him. It's sort of like sending my emails to a brick wall and they end up reading more like a diary at this point because it's all one sided.
I'm exhausted and entirely too used to being alone which brings me to the next point. Can't get no satisfaction. I was at Starbucks drive through the other day and I could have sworn the baristo? (is that what you call the male barista? I'm confused) was making eyes at me, which is insane. I'm about 90 percent sure that it was all in my head. I'm driving a minivan full of kids, no one in their right mind would flirt with that. This brings me to the conclusion that I must be pretty hard up for it if I'm imagining things like that. This could make my errands more interesting. I see a "Quit eyeballing me, cashier!" in my future. As long as the sex dreams stay away. Please let those stay away. Good times, good times.
In the meantime I'm keeping myself as busy as I can to keep me from thinking too much. This makes me pretty tired, but if I'm tired I don't have as much time or energy to put into missing him and being lonely or, say, showering, because I really don't need to do that anyway. Who am I trying to impress? I think I'll go eat some onions now...