Humbug

Holy crap, am I ever not in the mood for the holidays. If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't even have the tree up. Hell, he decorated it, too. My poor kids. They go around trying to sing Christmas songs with me and I get as far as "deck the halls... here why don't I put on a record that sings these things to you? Yeah"  I'm ready to ruin Santa for my seven year old out of sheer laziness. Who can keep up this lie?!? "That's not Santa, that's just some guy in a suit and I'm just not sure if Santa exists because it just seems impossible." I have to commend her for being leery of old guys dressed in costumes for lap sitting. I'm kind of proud of her for that, but just as I'm about to go "Congratulations! You've seen through this sham! Your prize is a present form the present closet" In comes my husband with "Oh, those are Santa's helpers. Didn't you know that? That's how Santa gets to so many houses, he has lots of helpers. Oh, and mommy called Santa and had him deliver your presents early!" "Does Santa have the same wrapping paper as us? Because I saw that paper in your closet. Did we share it with him?" "Why, yes! We did. We wrapped presents together" Nice one honey. It'll take me years to undo that. Well, probably not. She wants to believe, but she's pretty sharp. I can tell she's ready to just call b.s., but might be afraid of a present deficiency if she does, so hey! Santa!
 I am dragging ass this year. At least I got Christmas cards out on time this year which is a definite improvement for me. Most of my cards make it sometime in the new year because I'm a timely person. Procrastinators Unite! or something sometime later.
Christmas is just a few days away and with the husband away it's going to look something like this "Oh, hey, you guys are up. Here, have a pop tart and let me fetch your stockings out of my closet" Festive. Hey, I'm wearing reindeer pajama pants, that should be festive enough.
And don't get me started on what happens after Christmas. Our anniversary, my birthday, new years. Waahahaaa! Can't I just curl up and do nothing? I want to be slacker mom, dammit! Oh, right. I am. How about neglectful mom? Dammit, I just can't win.

Ugh

This blog has been very inactive lately. Mostly because I'm lazy, but also because I like to keep things light and funny and I just haven't been feeling all that funny.
This patrol is going to suck ass. There are no two ways about it. It is what it is. For one, it's happening on the holidays, which sucks already, but the holidays also happens to be on my birthday and our anniversary which makes for some pretty depressing birthday. I'm trying to make the best of it. We did christmas for the kids before he left and there's even an FRG get together on new years eve, so I can at least have something to do on my birthday. Yes, my birthday is new years eve, and no it is not fun.
But that's not all! Oh no, not at all. My seven year old is going to have all three of her dance competitions while he's out which means me, alone, with all three kids doing that. Good times!
But the worst absolute hands down reason why this patrol sucks ass and I have zero hope for improvement is (be prepared, this is a real bummer) my older brother committed suicide this thanksgiving. Not just died, committed suicide, and it's really a hard thing to wrap my head around. I've even started another blog just for dealing with it, but I don't know if I'll publish most of those posts because I don't want to hurt family. Mostly I'm just angry at him, which doesn't make me love him or miss him an iota less, but if I aired that out to where, say, his kids can see it, it could cause some damage to them and I do love them. I think what hurts right now is knowing that if he can see all the damage he's done I can just picture his big goofily sheepish grin as he says "oops, I fucked up" yeah, you did. Big time. But that's not the blog for here.
The blog for here goes something like this "must...make it.... to the end... of this fucking patrol!" And so I shall. I'll try to write more here and keep it lighter, but we'll see how that goes.