Foot In Mouth Disease

Now I'm not entirely sure, but I think I might have a bad rep amongst the other wives. Every time I just about have myself convinced that I'm imagining it, something will happen to make me certain that I'm not. Now it could be that a lot of the wives are younger in their early 20's and the others are older officer wives with grown kids and a career and I just have trouble relating as a stay at home mom at 30, though there are a few of us on the boat.

That being said there is one wife who I'm certain I must have offended at some point, but I just can't recall when. I do that a lot. I open my mouth and I say stupid shit. It could be the time I made a joke about my kids not matching at an FRG picnic "like any good navy wife" I believe I said. Or maybe I said something about her baby. Or maybe I said something about anal at some point (I wouldn't put it past me). Or maybe she's a real lady and doesn't like my crass attitude. I dunno. What I do know is that she seems really awkward around me, gives me funny looks when I say "hello", seems to ignore me when possible,  and I have been taken off her facebook, though with the new timeline I can now see exactly what it is I'm not supposed to see when other friends comment on her, I just don't have it on my wall. I'll bet she'll want to fix that when she finds out.  I guess it doesn't bother me too much. I understand that I'm a little much for some people (see above) and I'm okay with that it's just confusing when she sends a polite note my way "Like, oh look, it is all in your head!" only to follow that up with more awkwardness.

Then there's the rest. There are a lot of great ladies in our FRG and they are really sweet and nice people, but I get the feeling that I'm getting the "oh look, there's that wife who says things she really should have kept to herself" vibe off some of them. And that's understandable, I do say stupid shit. I just can't help myself and sometimes I'll meet someone else who understands that and we'll be friends but sometimes I feel like I should probably lock myself in the house and not force others to endure my little quirks. Mostly so I can avoid the inevitable moment when I go "Gah! I really shouldn't have explained the penis showing game to a bunch of wives! What the hell was I thinking when I said that?!?" So it's really no wonder I get some looks. They are all really great and it's not their fault that I act like I have a severe case of Inappropriate Anecdote Tourette's every time I'm in a social situation.

Humbug

Holy crap, am I ever not in the mood for the holidays. If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't even have the tree up. Hell, he decorated it, too. My poor kids. They go around trying to sing Christmas songs with me and I get as far as "deck the halls... here why don't I put on a record that sings these things to you? Yeah"  I'm ready to ruin Santa for my seven year old out of sheer laziness. Who can keep up this lie?!? "That's not Santa, that's just some guy in a suit and I'm just not sure if Santa exists because it just seems impossible." I have to commend her for being leery of old guys dressed in costumes for lap sitting. I'm kind of proud of her for that, but just as I'm about to go "Congratulations! You've seen through this sham! Your prize is a present form the present closet" In comes my husband with "Oh, those are Santa's helpers. Didn't you know that? That's how Santa gets to so many houses, he has lots of helpers. Oh, and mommy called Santa and had him deliver your presents early!" "Does Santa have the same wrapping paper as us? Because I saw that paper in your closet. Did we share it with him?" "Why, yes! We did. We wrapped presents together" Nice one honey. It'll take me years to undo that. Well, probably not. She wants to believe, but she's pretty sharp. I can tell she's ready to just call b.s., but might be afraid of a present deficiency if she does, so hey! Santa!
 I am dragging ass this year. At least I got Christmas cards out on time this year which is a definite improvement for me. Most of my cards make it sometime in the new year because I'm a timely person. Procrastinators Unite! or something sometime later.
Christmas is just a few days away and with the husband away it's going to look something like this "Oh, hey, you guys are up. Here, have a pop tart and let me fetch your stockings out of my closet" Festive. Hey, I'm wearing reindeer pajama pants, that should be festive enough.
And don't get me started on what happens after Christmas. Our anniversary, my birthday, new years. Waahahaaa! Can't I just curl up and do nothing? I want to be slacker mom, dammit! Oh, right. I am. How about neglectful mom? Dammit, I just can't win.

Ugh

This blog has been very inactive lately. Mostly because I'm lazy, but also because I like to keep things light and funny and I just haven't been feeling all that funny.
This patrol is going to suck ass. There are no two ways about it. It is what it is. For one, it's happening on the holidays, which sucks already, but the holidays also happens to be on my birthday and our anniversary which makes for some pretty depressing birthday. I'm trying to make the best of it. We did christmas for the kids before he left and there's even an FRG get together on new years eve, so I can at least have something to do on my birthday. Yes, my birthday is new years eve, and no it is not fun.
But that's not all! Oh no, not at all. My seven year old is going to have all three of her dance competitions while he's out which means me, alone, with all three kids doing that. Good times!
But the worst absolute hands down reason why this patrol sucks ass and I have zero hope for improvement is (be prepared, this is a real bummer) my older brother committed suicide this thanksgiving. Not just died, committed suicide, and it's really a hard thing to wrap my head around. I've even started another blog just for dealing with it, but I don't know if I'll publish most of those posts because I don't want to hurt family. Mostly I'm just angry at him, which doesn't make me love him or miss him an iota less, but if I aired that out to where, say, his kids can see it, it could cause some damage to them and I do love them. I think what hurts right now is knowing that if he can see all the damage he's done I can just picture his big goofily sheepish grin as he says "oops, I fucked up" yeah, you did. Big time. But that's not the blog for here.
The blog for here goes something like this "must...make it.... to the end... of this fucking patrol!" And so I shall. I'll try to write more here and keep it lighter, but we'll see how that goes.

It's the Little Things...

Yay! He's back home and words cannot express my relief. There's nothing quite like homecoming. However, now that he's been back a few weeks it's time to get back to doing those little things we do that annoy the piss out of each other. One such incident the other night he was tired and when he's tired he turns into a sort of horny Frankenstein following me all around and trying to hump me or grope me aggressively. Finally I turned around told him to knock it off and that when he's tired he gets retard aggressive *miming Frankenstein* "Must hump! Huuump!" He got mad and said "I'd never call you a retard. You're mean" Actually he may have called me a bitch for that one. Yeah, I may have deserved that. So to recap he can be irritatingly horny and I can get kind of mean when I'm out to amuse myself. I did feel bad about offending him. I was hoping he might find it as funny as I did. Who would have known he'd get all offended at being called a retard. Geesh. So sensitive.

Final Fling Fun

Haha! I'm awesome at alliteration.
I suppose I owe our commodore an apology. He must not be as full of shit as I thought. We are doing a pier side homecoming and I'm excited for it. There's just something so much more fulfilling about seeing the boat come in and wait for the one that belongs to you to come off than, say, going to the conference center and waiting on shuttle after shuttle for the one that contains yours or hanging out in your car at checkpoint charlie after your husband calls to have you pick him up like it's just any old day at work. Sort of anticlimactic. And, yes, I'm excited to wait down there with the kids and all even though I know he won't get off until nearly last and the kids are going to get antsy after a few hours of this. It's one of the downsides of being a nuke, but I'm fine with it.
We did our final fling yesterday at the beach. I think they should do more gatherings at the beach because there was a great turnout yesterday and the kids had so much fun. I talked a lot which naturally means I most likely made an ass of myself, but whatever. If I'm not out alienating everyone what fun is it? Note to self: Stop joking about the paternity of my children at these things, no matter how funny I think it is. Also religion. Stop being sacrilegious. It's the south and I'm going to get myself lynched doing that. Yes, I'm the queen of inappropriate conversations which is why I stay locked in my house for the most part. All in all, though, it was a fun time.

Stage: Bubbling Excitement

Almost there! I feel like I've been climbing up a steep sledding hill. You know the feeling? You start up the hill: "I can do this!" you think about halfway up the hill: "Uh, this is exhausting and the hill is still way up there. What was I thinking?!?" Then as you almost crest to the top that swelling feeling you get: "Ahhh! There it is! I see it!  Almost there, almost there! Just keep going!" That's where I'm at. I can see the end. There it is. Oh, and that feeling you get when you finally slide down. "Wheeee!"  Nearly the same thing. That intensely exciting feeling I get when they pull in and I see him again for the first time. I can hardly wait. Oh, and the looks on the girl's faces. Priceless. I just have to tell that voice in my head that says "hey, you get to do this all over again in a few months" to shut up. You're ruining my mental parade, jerk.

For Real? For Really Reals?

I had quite the adventure getting to the commissary yesterday and any of you who wandered onto your bases yesterday probably encountered the same thing.
I drove past the housing gate first and I was suspicious as soon as I noticed it was manned. No matter, I drove down to, let's call it the commissary gate for simplicity, and it was closed. That's odd. So down to the main gate I go, which is usually closed on Sundays. It was open and busy. Weird. I saw two different inspections going on and really really hoped they weren't going to do one on me, so when I pulled up and they asked "weapons or contraband?" I strongly resisted the urge to answer "just the biologics in the back" and point to the children. One day my smartass mouth is going to get me in trouble. I managed through without incident only to get lost. I felt pretty stupid. On the other hand I found an RV park on the water and an indoor pistol and rifle range and if I ever need to know where the weapon's facility is I can get to it. Bright side, see? I did get some odd looks from security who would drive past me and eye me suspiciously. Yes, I'm lost as hell and no I don't have weapons or contraband. I don't think.
I finally found my way to the commissary, which was really dead, and meandered in, stopped to look at the coupons and was id'd. Huh? Oh, yeah, hang on a minute here. What's going on? Oh, the base is on lock down. Well, that explains the gates, any idea why? Nope, no one knows.
I just assumed they were running drills of some sort.
I left and got id'd once more at the register. On my way out I noticed there were two different manned guard shacks through housing. Weird.
Despite all that I was really surprised when facebook exploded last night with the news "Bin Laden is dead!". Really? No way. So I looked it up and holy shit, they were right. Wow. I'm still in shock and while part of me is relieved he's been found, I'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop. That hydra is going to sprout another head or two if it hasn't already. I hope the backlash isn't too nasty. I worry about everyone and all my military friends, but I'm also selfish and I'm fairly sure this is going to really screw up homecoming. Maybe it won't. Still, wow.